Casting Crowns and Chameleons

Jambo to everyone back home. I am writing this on Sunday night, and I just got back from Brackenhurst, a Baptist resort outside of Nairobi where the local IMB (International Mission Board) missionaries had a prayer retreat this weekend. What a great weekend it was, but if you want to read more about it, then you need to look a little farther down the page. It’s getting harder and harder to consolidate all of the week’s happenings and my all-over-the-place thoughts into one blog because our experiences can be grossly different from day to day. Thanks again for reading these thoughts that I write. I don’t pretend to be an author or anyone important, but it is extremely encouraging to know that people are reading this and that I am not going through this whole thing alone. Yes, the Lord is in me, and He is more than enough, but it strengthens me to know that I have a body of believers that cares about me thousands of miles away. How beautiful is the body of Christ when it operates the way it was created to operate? To echo what Paul wrote in Philippians, I too thank my God upon every remembrance of you.

I didn’t tell you much about last Sunday, but I want to testify here how small the world can sometimes be. I’m not sure if this will mean anything to you at all, but I found it pretty interesting. After church at Ridgeways Baptist last Sunday, we spent the rest of the day with the Gandy’s, an incredible missionary family living in Nairobi. They had Matt and Kelly Elmore over for lunch, and we spent a lot of time getting to know them. Matt Elmore works for Global Youth Ministries, and he is serving here for at least a year. It turns out they both graduated from Florida State, and I obviously graduated from the University of Florida. That didn’t stop us from hitting it off right away. Kelly lived in Ocala for most of her childhood, and we found out that we know some of the same people. Here we are, thousands of miles away from home, and we meet a couple who went to Florida State, went to the beach many times in Daytona and Ormond growing up, and knows some of the same people we know. God’s sovereignty is unfathomable, and the story gets better.

Before I left the States, my former youth pastor and now Casting Crowns lead vocalist Mark Hall told me about this Kenyan man named Moses who has a ministry here in Kenya. Mark’s wife Melanie told me I had to contact him and meet him while I was here. I knew that he worked with an organization called Teens for Christ. That’s about all I knew. I emailed him before I left, but that was the only communication we had with each other. As Matt was talking, he mentioned that he does a lot of work with Teens for Christ. I asked him if he knew about a guy named Moses who works there. “Moses? Moses is one of my best friends here in Nairobi,” Matt revealed. Matt told me that he hangs out with him all the time, and Moses told him the story of how he and Mark Hall had met. Later that night while eating at an awesome Ethiopian restaurant, Moses called Matt Elmore on his phone, and we wound up talking for a few minutes. We are going to get together for lunch very soon. Finding this all hard to follow? I know it’s kind of confusing, but I think it’s mind-boggling that the guy Mark and Melanie wanted me to meet wound up being great friends with a guy I met named Matt who graduated from Florida State and knows some of the same people I know. Again, what the Lord ordains is wise and good. Sometimes He does things in my life that make me stop and ponder the greatness of God. He knew I would meet these people before I was even a thought in this world. Wrap your mind around that. God knew everything that would happen to you and I before we were even a blip on the Earth’s radar screen.

This week, we spent Monday through Wednesday in Mji wa Haruma, which means “City of Pity.” It truly is a pitiful slum in which no one should be forced to live. We partnered with Ridgeways Baptist for their week-long outreach to this slum. The whole team got together on Sunday to pray for the week, and I mean to tell you that I have never heard people pray so passionately in my entire life, praying intensely for victory in the spiritual warfare we were to face. On Monday, we basically took a tour of the slum, and prayed all over the grounds of the “Pity City.” On Tuesday, we spent the whole day at Mji wa Haruma. When we arrived, we split up into small groups with translators to go witnessing, praying for the sick, and praying for whatever other needs the people requested. This village or slum has a horrible problem with crime, abortion, and alcoholism, so there was definitely a lot to pray for. Satan is deceiving a lot of people in Mji wa Haruma, but we believe God will overcome the evil in this slum in His perfect timing.

I want to tell you a quick story about a boy from the slum named George. George is nine years old, and he was my little helper for the week. When we were walking around, building the fence, or playing soccer, he was at my side or Matt Potochnik’s side. He was one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. I let him carry around my bag for me, which most people would not advise, but he held my hand everywhere I went so I was not worried about him running off with it. George’s English was better than any of the other kids in the slum. No other children could put together more than a couple of phrases, but George was fairly fluent in English for a nine-year-old Kenyan. He told me that he was ranked number 5 in his class before he was kicked out of school. Do you know why he was kicked out of school? His mother did not pay his school fees. He cannot go back to school until his school fees are paid, and I do not see that happening any time soon. The tragedy of it is that he could be one of the smartest children in the school or even in Nairobi if he continues with his education, but that is the problem with the slum life. The poverty and lack of education from generation to generation is perpetuated. It is very hard for George or anyone else to escape it. After his helping me on Tuesday and Wednesday, I paid him a few shillings and told him to continue to work hard in school when we went back. He had previously asked if we could take him to America with us, which broke my heart, but I was even more upset when he sobbed as we said goodbye. I don’t know how I can forget that face.

This weekend, Matt, Erin, and I were asked to watch over the missionary children at their annual prayer retreat. It was held at Brackenhurst, which, as I said, is a Baptist resort that has to look something like the Garden of Eden. I mean to tell you that it is plush, pristine, and gorgeous. We had an incredible time with the kids. I got to “work” with the high school students, and they are some of the coolest teenagers that I know. We spent a lot of the time playing soccer, catching chameleons, hiking, and playing “The Worst Case Scenario Survival Game”. The best part for me was when we got to show them Louis Gigglio’s “Indescribable” messages on DVD. Louis talks a lot about the galaxies and the stars, which scream out the fact that God is incredibly big, and we are incredibly small. And although we are smaller than small, God still wants to have a personal relationship with us, and He knows each of our names. The kids expressed how sometimes they forget about the bigness of God, and we prayed together that their problems would shrink in the presence of the Almighty God. We got “rungus,” which are Masai lion-killing clubs, for “working” with the children. Matt and Erin took home another prize as well. They found a chameleon which they aptly named “Ulimi,” which is the Swahili word for tongue. Its tongue is as long or longer than it’s body. It absolutely amazes me. The chameleon that was found for me got released by some of the kids, and I was none too happy about that! Nevertheless, it was a weekend during which I was renewed and refreshed.

Finally, do you remember Abel from Graffins College? If you don’t, you can read back over a couple of the previous blogs. He is proving to have great connections with people in the city. Earlier this week, we were all set to meet him at Steers (a burger joint) this with one of his friends. Well, we got there before he did, and I saw a guy reading a book about how to be a man of God. I went up and started to talk to him, and sure enough it was Abel’s friend. His name was Cornelius, and he works full-time for the Navigators ministry. Guess what his job entails? He is responsible for reaching college students on campuses in Nairobi. How cool is that? In case you’ve forgotten, that is one of the main reasons we came out to Kenya. We are meeting with him again this week, so please pray that He will lead us to some more meaningful relationships with students and other campus ministers. God is once again proving His sovereignty.

The fact that I just went up and started talking to him has made me ponder, “Why am I so much more bold here than in the States?” In Kenya, I have no problem talking to people about Jesus, but back home I struggle with that quite a bit. I don’t know if I am more focused now because I am here on a mission trip or what, but I am praying that I would have this same kind of boldness when I get back to America to share my faith with whoever God leads into my life. There are lost souls in America, and there are lost souls in Kenya. I have been reminded here that so many people are running through this life on their way to hell, and we have the only message of hope that can save them from their sins and from their eternal damnation. Jesus Christ is their hope, and His death and resurrection are the hope we preach. Let’s pray together that we would all be bolder in sharing Christ with those around us. We don’t necessarily have to go out on city streets to share Christ with others, but there are people we come across every day that need to hear about Him. Some of the time, we won’t even have to use words to share Him, but by our lifestyles we will express Christ to others. As we abide in Him, He will live His life through us, and people will see Him in us. Lord, allow us to be bolder in sharing You with others.

Thanks again for reading another blog. If you have made it to the end of this, I am impressed. I love you guys, and I will see a lot of you in just a few weeks. Please pray for our team this week as we go back to college campuses to build relationships, get up early to go minister to street kids, and walk around a new slum to witness to the lost. Pray for boldness, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill us up, and pray for the salvation of souls. Please and thank you! I am learning the importance of prayer and the necessity of praying in faith and with a sense of urgency. Your prayers mean so much to me. Kwaheri everyone!

The Flood

As I write this blog entry, I am still trying to sort out what I need to tell from last week. This was one of the most intense weeks we have had here in Nairobi, and all the events that happened are running wild in my mind. It is Sunday night, and the weather outside is absolutely gorgeous. It never gets much higher than 80 degrees, and the nights are always in the 60’s. The climate is not what I would have imagined typical Africa climate to be. Nairobi’s temperature has been close to perfect in my opinion.

Yesterday, we got to enjoy a full day of soccer at the Rift Valley Academy. The school is up in the mountains and overlooks the Great Rift Valley, which is utterly breathtaking. I am at a loss for how to describe the God-given natural wonder, so my best advice is to google it! Matt, Erin, and I came back and had a delicious spaghetti dinner outside at the Tidenbergs, and across the street a party was going on with a really good live band. I got to spend the night with the White family, and I stayed up until after 1:00 AM listening to the Gator game on Yahoo Sports. It was the first time I had either seen or listened to a Gator game this year, so that made my night. That was my Saturday. Also this week, we had warthog meat for dinner, Matt and I beat two Indian guys in ping pong at Graffins College, and we all got to chaperone a middle school movie night at Rosslyn High School. Those are a bunch of random occurrences from the past week, but let me share with you a couple of other things that took place.

On Monday, we were picked up in the morning and taken to a couple of Hindu temples in Nairobi. You couldn’t believe how many Southeast Asians live here, and with many of the Indian people comes the Hindu influence. There is a whole group from the International Mission Board devoted to reaching Hindus in Nairobi, so they took us to the temples so we could learn a little more about the Hindu culture. We left there saddened and somewhat depressed, seeing so many people praying to statues and believing that the only way to get rewarded in the next life is by living a good life. Their religion appeared to me to be heavily based on performance. I know that my performance in this world will never be good enough, so I am extremely thankful that I can’t work my way into heaven. As followers of Christ, we know that our hope for salvation is in God’s grace alone, not in any work of man (see my earlier blog on the Gospel message). I did leave the temple tour grateful to the Lord for saving me and for living inside of me. We serve a living and mighty God, and a statue cannot contain the majesty and glory of His name.

By far, the funniest thing that happened this week, depending on how you define funny, was the flooding of the guesthouse. As you may recall, the guesthouse is where Matt and I sleep. After watching a movie and deciding to turn in for the night, I walked back to our house. I went straight into the bathroom, missing the fact that our place had been flooded. It took me about ten minutes, after being in the bathroom, to figure out that we had a major problem on our hands. Matt walked in and we discovered that there wasn’t just a little bit of water, but there was actual flooding in every room. We called for Tim, Annie, and Erin to come over, and then the damage control began. We spent a couple of hours that night sweeping the water out the front door with a couple of brooms, taking the food stored in the storage room into the main house, and picking up anything that was on the flooded floor. We stayed up that night until 1:00 AM, and spent much of the next day sorting the good food from the ruined food. We were supposed to do a medical mission day on Tuesday, but we couldn’t go because of the mess that was on our hands. Apparently, Hannah (the Tidenberg’s daughter) had left the faucet turned on in the laundry room while the water pump was turned off. Because the pump was off, no water flowed through the faucet, so she didn’t realize the faucet was in the “on” position. Later that night, the pump turned on when no one was back in the guesthouse to notice the faucet was pouring out water. To make matters worse, the drain was clogged. As you can tell, that is not a good combination. It was a crazy night, but it was a hilarious and effective team-building experience. What a great memory!

Now, let’s move to the intense moments of the week. I don’t want to overhype them, but I can honestly say I will never be the same because of what I have recently seen in Nairobi. This week, the tears rolled down my face for the first time since living in the village. I cannot fully express, and never before had I completely imagined, how bad some of the living conditions can be for those trapped in extreme poverty here. On Thursday, the three of us had the chance to go with a missionary named Jerry Stephens into the Kibera slums. Some of you may have heard of Kibera, considering it is the third largest slum in the world and the second largest on the continent of Africa. I had heard of it before, but until I got to step foot on the Kibera grounds, I never truly understood or grasped how people are forced to live. The stench was disgusting, children were playing in the sewage water, and 8-10 people were living in little 8x8 foot “homes” with a single room. Being in Kibera at night can be very dangerous because of the excessive crime that runs rampant.

When we first got there, we hung around the outskirts of the slum waiting for a Kenyan youth pastor to take us on a tour, and we made friends with several of the local children. Samson and Daniel are the two kids that are still weighing heavily on my heart and on my mind. Daniel doesn’t have a clue about the location of his father, and I’m not sure if he has ever met his dad before. Samson’s mom is sick in bed with tuberculosis, and it is likely she will not get the help that she needs. His Uncle Matthew was killed by AIDS. However, these two boys had some of the sweetest smiles I have ever seen. Daniel and I got pretty attached, and he walked with me hand in hand into the center of the slum. Daniel was on one hand, and a boy named Nashon was on the other hand. We walked towards the heart of the slum for about 45 minutes, and then we turned around to go back. The thing that infuriates me the most is the fact that the government does nothing to help. In fact, the government keeps a lot of the money that gets donated to the slums for themselves. They don’t give any care at all for their people. In a recent poll, the Kenyan government was voted as one of the most corrupt governments in Africa. It makes me sick to think that some of these politicians are millionaires, and they embezzle money that is sent to help people who are trapped in the pits of poverty. The Lord says that vengeance is His to repay, but we can pray for the deliverance of many of the Kenyan people from the bondages of sin, poverty, crime, and disease.

The Kibera trip was the big happening on Thursday for the team, but the images of what went down on Friday will forever be burned into my memory. Friday morning, we got up at 4:30 AM and were picked up by the Gandys at 5:15. Let me say here that I am not a morning person at all. Anyways, they got us and took us into downtown Nairobi where we were to minister to street kids by praying for them, feeding them, and possibly doing first aid. After one of the Kenyan pastors from Ridgeways Baptist Church taught Bible Study, we all got the chance to break up into groups and pray with the men and children. We call it a street kids ministry, but in all actuality the people that showed up on Friday were street men. Nevertheless, I will refer to them as street kids. The conditions on the street are difficult and dangerous, and many of the street kids have to steal to survive. They are infamous for being incredibly savvy at picking pockets without the victim figuring out what is going on until it is too late.

After praying with them and giving them milk, we thought we were going to leave. However, as we were getting ready to go, a man strolled up in his wheelchair. His legs had obviously been amputated. He couldn’t speak much English, but we were told that he had diabetes. This was not his only problem. We don’t know for sure, but it is possible that there were some type of bugs eating away at his skin. His fingernails and his fingers were being destroyed by something. One of his thumbs had absolutely no fingernail anymore. The bones in what was left from his legs had pierced through his skin and were clearly visible. Whether it was an infection or an insect, something had eaten away at his skin here as well. He said that he was having this problem all over his body. We knew he had to go to a hospital, or he could possible die in the next few months. He was in very poor condition. His friends wheeled him to Kenyatta hospital where they treat street kids for free. I vividly remember the picture of pain that was on his face as Mrs. Gandy sprayed peroxide on his fingers, and I held him to hopefully provide some amount of comfort. Later on as we talked, I was brought to tears over what I had just seen. For a short while, I was very upset with myself for not being that sad or disturbed during the moment. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had seen a lot of poverty and sickness in the village or what, but I am thankful that God used this man to soften my heart again. I pray that I would never become numb to the hurt that is so prevalent in the world.

What I can’t get over is why I was born in Daytona Beach, Florida, and this man was born in a small village in Kenya. I did not choose where I was born. I did not choose my family. I did not choose my home, Christian parents, or a good neighborhood. I guess asking why is not necessarily the correct response to the situation. The correct response is to fall flat on my face to worship the Lord and praise Him for everything He has given me. I know that every good gift comes from above, and He has dealt bountifully with me. I left that morning with an overwhelming sense of awe and gratefulness to the Lord for all of the blessings that He has so readily lavished upon me. I was reminded of how easily that could have been me on the street. By no merit of my own am I where I am today.

It struck me that I come to these people on the street for one hour, and then I leave to move on to my next destination. For these people, they live on the street all day every day. Stop and think about that for a second. For most of them, there is little hope to escape the street life. The only hope that they have is Christ Jesus. That is why the street kids ministry exists. We know that the only escape from the torment and pain in their lives is a relationship with the Lord. Their emptiness causes them to turn to drugs and alcohol to take their mind off of their sorrows, but Jesus Christ alone can fill them up. I believe that with all of my heart. Never before had I sensed such spiritual warfare in my presence, but I believe that the Lord is going to give victory to some of those street kids. I have said this before, but I want to say it again: I certainly hope I am not coming off as preachy. That is the last thing I want to do. I am just relaying a story to you that has impacted me and will hopefully change the way I live forever. I was crushed and broken by seeing how people actually have to live. I am praying that the Lord would give me patience when I go back to America, because I know that the first time I see a kid yelling and complaining to their mom about something in Walmart, I am going to want to share with them how good they have it compared to people all over the world.

What an incredible week! Thank you, Lord, for revealing Yourself to me through dark and depressing circumstances. I know that God is interested in seeing how we will treat the least of these among us, and I believe there are these people in America as well as Kenya. Please pray that the slum we are going to this upcoming week will be delivered from the crime, abortion, and sexual immorality that is entangling the people. Please pray for the salvation of souls. I still cannot believe I am in Kenya. Thanks so much for your prayer support, your encouraging emails, and your financial support. As Christians, we have been blessed beyond measure. Asante Mungu, wewe ni mzuri (Thank you God, you are good).

Obamarama

Hello my fellow Americans. I hear that you guys have been busy this week, electing a new president and all. As most of you probably know, Obama’s father was from Kenya, so there has been more coverage of this election and more excitement surrounding it than I have ever witnessed in my short life. The Kenyan people have partied like crazy over his becoming president, but I will touch on that later in the blog. I am writing this on a rainy and very cold Sunday morning, just after returning from church with the Tidenbergs (to remind you, these are the people we are staying with). Our electricity is out, and the power people told us that the entire nation has lost power. We doubt that is the case, but nevertheless, we are starting a fire and will have lunch around it to keep warm.

A lot has happened here in Nairobi since I last wrote to you, so I will take you through some of the highlights. Some of you may wonder what there is to do for fun around here. I will say that after spending nearly three months in the village, the Nairobi experience has been the polar opposite of the village experience. There really is a lot to do here, while in the village there is a lot of sitting around time. Both have their advantages and disadvantages, so I can’t yet decide which I prefer. At the Tidenbergs there is a mall nearby called West Gate, which is about a ten minute walk from our house. We are usually there every other afternoon or so, after we have done our work for the day. Matt, Erin, and I sit at a coffee shop called Dormans, where we talk, pray, update our blogs, and e-mail our friends and families. The mall also has a really nice movie theater. Just yesterday, we saw the new James Bond movie. It is so cool to me that I got to see the new Bond movie in a mall in Nairobi, Kenya, thousands of miles away from home. I guess I never expected to be able to go to a nice movie theater in Africa. Speaking of movies in Kenya, before most showings of a film the Kenyan national anthem is played. It is considered very disrespectful not to stand up with the rest of the moviegoers and honor the Kenyan flag and the country. Anyways, there you have a little taste of the mall we frequently visit.

Most of the other fun activities we do revolve around what the Tidenbergs have planned. They are always looking out for us, and they have made us feel like their family. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful Matt, Erin, and I are for them. They constantly have dinners planned for us with other missionaries, nights out at unique Kenyan restaurants, or afternoons at Kenyan markets (filled with intricate wood carvings and other trinkets at very good prices). This past week, the Tidenbergs arranged a big dinner over at the Yates’s home for Erin’s 23rd birthday. The Yates are an incredible missionary couple who have been in Africa for the greater part of their lives, and we had a great time celebrating Erin’s birthday with them. Also earlier this week, we had a night out at the Diamond Plaza, a shopping center filled with Asian shops and restaurants. One of the most popular items in the stores is the collection of pirated movies. It is not illegal here to sell pirated copies of movies. They get the new movies on DVD well before we ever see them on DVD in America. I don’t want to get into a big debate about ethics, so I won’t tell you that I got all the Lion King and Toy Story movies on one DVD for $4.00. I won’t mention that to you. Shhhhhh. Finally, I’ve had a lot of fun spending two nights in the hospital this week. Don’t you worry mom—I was staying with a friend who just had surgery. We spent two nights in the hospital after his surgery, and we got to follow all that was going on with the election and discuss the college football scene until we fell asleep.

The last thing I want to share with you before I get into what God has been doing in Kenya is the obsession that Kenyans have over the US election. I would be remiss if I didn’t let you know how they have reacted to it. I never thought people could get so excited over an election held in another country. I am not writing this to start a political debate or talk about my political leanings, but I do want to paint a picture of the expectations the Kenyan people have for Obama. Since his father was born in Kenya, many of them believe that he is going to do whatever he can to save their country. One lady in the newspaper wrote, “I am so happy he was elected president and has a congress who will write him a blank check to do whatever he wants. He is Kenyan, and he will give so much to help us.” The Daily Nation declared that Kenya is now the honorary 53rd state of America (I wasn’t aware we had 52 states). Every Kenyan we talk to believes it will be so much easier to obtain a visa now that Obama is president. One article declared, “If Obama is elected, Greed as a human ambition will end worldwide.” The excitement here is more than tangible, but there is no word I can think of to describe it. I can’t walk anywhere without getting asked who I voted for. Unfortunately, many Kenyans believe that he will look out for Kenya’s best interest rather than the best interest of the American people, so it will be sad to see their reaction when they realize he won’t be sending them a blank check anytime soon. There are supernatural expectations being placed on Obama’s shoulders by the Kenyan people. This past Thursday, Kenya even had a national holiday. School was canceled, and many people didn’t go to work, just so they could stay out late, drink, and celebrate the victory of their Kenyan brother. It will be interesting to see what happens in this country over the next year or so.

As you may have noticed, I was a little bit frustrated the first week here because things were kind of getting off to a slow start. But I am ecstatic as I write this tonight, because God has ordained some amazing things for us to do that were not previously on our radar screen. The huge lesson for me recently, while still focusing on constantly abiding in Christ, has been that God is sovereign. I know that is something we have all learned, but this week I have experienced it in a profound way. There have been several “wow” moments for me lately, where all I could do afterwards was praise the Lord and recognize that He is the giver of every good thing.

Earlier this past week, we went to the vegetable market one morning with Annie. Things have been moving slowly with the college campuses, so we figured we would pray, go out to the market with her, and see what the Lord would place in our path. After shopping with her for a short while, Matt, Erin, and I walked down this side road to do some exploring. On our walk back to the market we saw a group of children playing soccer. I decided to go kick it around with them, and go introduce myself. Just as we were leaving, we were approached by a couple of guys a few years older than us, and they began to explain what they were doing out on the field. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, they play soccer in the morning with street kids, and then they share a devotional with them from the Bible. In the afternoons, they make beads with the kids that the children can sell for food money. These street kids have no homes, and they steal for a living, so it is a great way to keep the children out of trouble and share Christ with them. They have invited us to come share Jesus with the kids and play soccer with them whenever we want. I got the chance to wander out there during the week, and I spent a couple of hours just getting to know the kids. A few of them were sniffing glue right in front of me and were as high as a kite. Sniffing glue is a way for them to escape their horrible circumstances. Before I left, I got to share how they could know Jesus, and then I got to pray for the group. We have been praying, and God has been answering. He ordained these meetings in His infinite wisdom and perfect planning.

One other day this week, Rodney White was supposed to take me to the YMCA, where I could play sports with some of the Kenyan college students and get to know them. We were searching for a place where I could establish some genuine relationships with young Kenyan adults. Well, traffic was horrible, as it always is in Nairobi, and we simply could not make it to the YMCA. We asked God to lead us wherever He wanted to that day, and just around the corner we saw Graffins college (a business college). Rodney pulled in, and we figured we should go in and meet the administration to see if I was welcome on campus. We met the dean of students, Mr. Vincent Mwanza, who from the very first “hello” had a welcoming spirit about him. To make a long story short, he was more than happy for me to come on campus several times a week to get to know his students and sit in on a couple of business classes.

Continuing with the Graffins story, today I was at the college and met a solid Christian named Abel who Matt, Erin, and I got to talk to for a couple of hours. I showed up on campus with no ideas of how to start talking to these students, and he was the first person I saw. He invited me up to the cafeteria, and we sat and talked for an hour before we met up with Matt and Erin to continue the conversation about Christ, business, and our respective countries. I know I don’t do a great job of succinctly delivering the “wow” factor, but I can’t begin to tell you how much more I trust the Lord now after seeing Him work so clearly. He is bringing me to places where I have no idea what to do, and He is guiding me moment by moment into relationships that I pray could impact eternity. I had no idea what the last week would bring, but God rocked my world by introducing certain people into our lives who we didn’t even know existed a week ago. I am learning to completely surrender to what God wants to do, and God has honored that by orchestrating events that can only be explained by the sovereignty of an all-powerful, omniscient God. Praise the Lord who knows all things and is above all things! He is in control!

This week is going to be incredible! Our supervisors have been working hard to make sure we have a schedule for every day we have left here. This next week we will be teaching in the slums, working at a mobile eye clinic (offering free eye care to people in poverty in the region), and loving on street kids. God is giving us opportunity after opportunity to express His love to the world around us. We are realizing that we can express His life to anyone that we meet, no matter where we are. One thing I want to take back to America is the truth that no matter where I am, Christ can minister to others through me. There aren’t two distinct parts of our lives—a spiritual part and a secular part. If we allow it, everything can have spiritual implications. Please pray that God will continue to sovereignly ordain divine appointments for us to share Christ with others, whether that is by teaching the Gospel or by loving on them through our actions. Thanks so much for praying! I love you guys!

The Chronicles of Nairobi: the Beginning

Well, I have finally made it to Nairobi. Actually, I’ve been here for over a week now, so I have to catch you all up on a lot that has been happening. Life is a lot busier here in the city than in the village. There is so much more to do in the city during down time, and inevitably a lot of interesting stories arise. Let’s get right to it.

I arrived in Nairobi on Saturday, October 25th, after spending an incredible week with the Potters in Botswana and Zambia. You can read more about that on the “Safari with the Potters (and Edward Longshanks)” blog. It was absolutely incredible. For the first few days in Nairobi, I stayed with a two-year Journeyman missionary named Josh Glidewell. I went with him to Ridgeways Baptist Church on Sunday, and that afternoon there was a cookout held by the International Mission Board (IMB) missionaries here, welcoming some of us new young missionaries to the field. I have to quickly say here that these missionaries are some of the most hospitable people that I have ever met. Many of them invite us to come stay at their house, have dinner, hang out with them and their children, and welcome us to go on weekend trips with them. It was neat to talk to a lot of them who knew or know of Bro. Bobby Welch, who was my old pastor in Daytona. First Baptist Daytona has quite a few ties to the mission field out here in Kenya and Tanzania, specifically through Tim and Annie Tidenberg. Or should I refer to them as one of my many mothers and fathers here? The Tidenbergs know a lot of people from First Baptist Daytona because our church has sent people to go on mission trips with them during their stint in Tanzania. It was Jim and Peggy Brown from Daytona and the Potochnik family that told me how great the Tidenbergs are. They were absolutely right.

I officially met Tim and Annie Tidenberg on Tuesday, the 28th, which is the day Matt Potochnik and Erin Lombardi got here! Tim directs and oversees the missions work being done in several countries in East Africa. These are the people the three of us (Matt, Erin, and I) will be staying with during our time here. We are staying at their beautiful home that is gated, has an awesome porch, a cool swing, and an elaborate garden. They also have a lot of pets—several dogs, including dachshunds with puppies, an African bird, a rabbit, a turtle, and a cat. It’s like the Animal Kingdom up in here. I love it! They have made all of us feel right at home. The first day I met them, we spent a few hours cleaning out one of their storage containers and getting to know each other, and we had a great time doing it. That evening, we all went to pick up Matt and Erin from the airport. When I saw them walking towards us, I can’t even describe how happy I was to see them. They looked even more beautiful than I remembered them.

I’ll tell you the light and interesting experiences that have taken place before I get to what God has been doing in my life and in the city. I have solidified my place as the team klutz or the team bonehead within the first week of being here. The day that we went to pick up Matt and Erin, I was playing piano in the living room of the Tidenberg’s house. I wanted to turn off the light after I finished playing. What I didn’t know is that the Tidenbergs have light switches and “Send Policemen to Our Home” switches. I bet you can guess that I didn’t flip the light switch. I didn’t know I had done it until, when Tim and I were chatting, he said, “Is that the police?” They came to the door, Annie explained to them what had happened, and they were on their way. Tim and Annie were not upset at all, and Tim even said, “I’m glad you did it so we could see how long they would take to get here during an emergency. And 15 minutes is definitely too long.” I like to think I was helping to improve the future security of the home.

Here’s one for you: I had a hole drilled in my big toe’s toenail this week. Ok, that may be a dramatic way of saying it. It really happened, but I will explain. I was playing basketball the first Sunday I was here, and I was wearing casual dress shoes because my tennis shoes were at home. Those shoes were extremely hard on my feet. My right foot kept banging the front of the shoe until I could feel my big toenail starting to come off. I didn’t quite lose the nail (yet), but it turned black and was filled with all kinds of gross liquid. I won’t be any more graphic than that. There is a man that works for the IMB here named Doug Lee, and he told me that he could drill a small hole in the nail so it could drain. So he took a drill and a small drill bit, and he slowly carved out a tiny hole in my toe nail. I don’t want to be disgusting, but a lot of liquid drained out of that hole when I put pressure on it and soaked it in a hot salt bath. My nail now feels one hundred percent better. I think I will still lose the nail, but I would kind of like a new nail because my old ones are pretty dirty from living in the bush.

There are a couple of quick final things that lead me to believe that I am the team curse. Earlier this week, I got Nairobi Eye. Evidently there is a little bug here in Nairobi, and if you kill it and the blood is wiped on you, it causes you to get some sort of blister/rash wherever the blood was smeared. Fortunately, my Nairobi Eye is only on a small part of my neck, but I still think it’s cool to say I have Nairobi Eye, even though I’m not exactly sure what it means. Finally, some of the guys here went to an Ethiopian restaurant earlier this week. I was chewing on a tough piece of meat, and it did something to my lower retainer. Now, my permanent retainer is a little jagged and poking me a bit, but I can’t see what’s wrong with it. It may need to be fixed when I get home. Oh well. This is Africa!

Enough of the bad news and the stupid things I have done. My short time in Nairobi has been filled with constant fun so far. Like I said earlier, there is always something to do. The fun started when Matt and Erin got off of that plane. I was overwhelmed with gladness when I saw them. They have been fantastic to be around, and I am so excited that we are a team. We have been praying together, growing together, and we are definitely being stretched together. I will definitely be even closer to both of them after this time is done. I am so grateful to be experiencing this with the soon-to-be husband and wife. They are both very special to me.

I want to share with you what I know we will be doing in Nairobi. Unfortunately, a lot of what happens here we don’t know about until the day before it happens or even on the day it is supposed to happen. We do know this: we are here to build relationships with college students on the campuses of Nairobi. We have had several meetings with the man who will be directing our ministry with the college students, and that man is Rodney White. He has been so helpful, and we have been careful to spend a lot of time in prayer together before we just barge on to these campuses. This ministry is brand new, so we have to be patient during these beginning and possibly slow stages. He has to pass through a lot of people before any particular school will give us the go-ahead to start the ministry on campus. We desire to find a small group of guys and girls to pour ourselves into for the short time that we are here. One of the ways we are going to get in with some of these groups is to have them teach us the Swahili language. Kenyans love teaching others their language, and they are honored when outsiders try their best to learn. I will update you more on this when I know exactly what is going on.

The last thing I want to tell you is what God has been teaching both me and the team members so far. The key theme that keeps coming up in our daily lives is “abiding in Christ.” I keep wanting things to happen quickly here, so that we can get the ball rolling and start working. But I have learned that is exactly what I have been doing wrong. My mentality has been that I am here to do. I have been here to do all that I can for the Lord. But that is the wrong mindset to have. God has called me here, and if anything is going to happen or if there is any fruit to be seen from this trip, it will have to be God Almighty doing it. So instead of being discouraged that things are moving a little bit slow at first, I have been at peace that I am exactly where God wants me to be. All I can do is abide in Christ daily and allow Him to express His life through me. That is all any of us can do. If we are resting in Christ and allowing Him to do anything He wants in us and through us, then amazing things are going to happen. There are no limits with God. However, there are limits with man. If this mission trip depends on what I can “get done” for the Lord, then it will be a complete failure. I am offering up myself to God, allowing Him to do whatever He pleases with me on this trip and beyond.

However, I am not taking all the responsibility off of myself. The Bible does talk about serving the Lord wholeheartedly. There are certainly things we are called to do. But they all spring forth from us abiding in Christ and allowing Him to express His life through us. I know we have all heard it, but God really is most interested in who we are becoming. He wants us to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, Jesus. If we are allowing God to shape us into the beings that He wants us to become, then we will undoubtedly do what He wants us to do. We will do what He wants us to do, because it will actually be Him doing it through us. That is how my perspective has changed throughout this trip. I first set out to do things for the Lord and to serve Him with all that is in me. Now I am simply letting Him rule in me and live through me, resting in Christ every day and allowing Him to do the work instead of me. This is grace—that Christ would give us what we don’t deserve: His life. We have His life living in us. I’m not trying to act like I have it all figured out, but there has definitely been greater peace in my life because I have allowed Him to do the living.

Well, this is the end of the first and long Nairobi blog. I apologize for the length . Life really is a blast here, and I still cannot believe that I am getting the chance to do this. Just yesterday morning at church I learned a couple of new praise songs in Swahili, and I was able to play them on the piano. I also lost a bet on Saturday, and I had to make breakfast (omelettes, toast, and bacon) on Sunday morning--with considerable help from the team. It’s these little things that are making life so sweet and dear to me here. I think I have some African blood in me, because I definitely enjoy this way of life. There are certainly some negatives, but there is something pure about this place. Until next time, I want to say I love you to my family and my friends, and I am positive that your prayers are helping to see me through. Kwaheri!

The Good News

During a previous blog, I briefly mentioned the Gospel message. I just wanted to take this time to explain it in a deeper way. I never want to rush through the unbelievable news the Bible has for all of us. And I have no idea who is reading this blog, but I felt compelled to share this with you this week. If you do not have a personal relationship with the living God, then I plead with you to take the time to read this. Also, as a believer, I have been reading about how important it is for us to remind ourselves of the Gospel on a frequent basis. As Christians, it is the reason why we live and have the hope to live eternally.

First of all, when I say the word “Gospel,” I mean the Good News that the Bible preaches to us, and it really is incredible news. The Bible says in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Everyone who has ever lived or who will ever live is a sinner. We all have sinned. If we are being honest with ourselves, we should all recall a time in our lives when we either lied, cheated, stole, or did something of that nature. We all fall short of God’s glory. The Bible also tells us in Romans 6:23 that there is a penalty for our sin. It declares, “For the wages of sin is death.” Because God is a just, perfect, and holy God, he cannot allow any sin to enter heaven. Since each one of us has sinned and the penalty of that sin is death, our state seems to be hopeless. The death the Bible speaks of is a spiritual death. If we die without Christ, our sin sends us to hell where we spend eternity separated from God in a real and horrible place.

I know that is a harsh truth, but here is where the Gospel or Good News enters. Let me write the entire verse in Romans 6: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life.” Since we have sin in our lives, we needed someone to come and pay the penalty for our sins if we had any hope of knowing God or spending eternity with Him. I mentioned before that God is holy and just, but praise the Lord that He is also filled with grace, mercy, and love. Jesus Christ, God’s only Son, paid the penalty for our sins. God, in His limitless love, sent Jesus to come and live a perfect life without sinning even once. Jesus lived a life as fully God and fully man. He then died a gruesome death by being crucified on a cross. God accepted His Son’s death as the perfect atonement or forgiveness for anyone who would believe in Jesus’s name. His death justifies us before God and makes us at peace with God.

Christ’s death on the cross gives Christians forgiveness of sins. However, God did not stop there. After three days of Jesus being dead in the tomb, God raised or resurrected Him from the dead. He raised Christ up to heaven where He now sits on His throne forever. While Jesus’s death gives us the forgiveness of sins, His resurrection shows us that He overcame death and offers anyone who follows Him to have eternal life in heaven forever. How amazing is that? I can’t express with words the love God has for all of mankind. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Jesus wants to rescue us from our sin and give us eternal life!

So, how can we know God? How can we have Jesus Christ living in us? How can we be saved? How can we have eternal life with God in heaven? The Bible answers that better than any man can. We read in John 3:16 that “whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” The Bible says in Romans 10 “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10 also says that “whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Jesus said in John 5:24, “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.” Acts 3:19 calls us to “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out.” Repentance is realizing and admitting you are a sinner and turning from your sin to Christ Jesus. It is forsaking your sin and asking God to save you from it.

I know that I just wrote a bunch of verses. Let’s summarize and make sure we understand how we can be saved from our sin and know God personally, experiencing eternal life with Him that starts now and continues in heaven throughout all eternity. Jesus said in John 6:37, “The one who comes to me I will certainly not cast out.” I want to first say that there are no magic words that can save you. There is not one perfect prayer that God will hear. Look at what the Word says. We must simply admit that we are sinners, turn from that sin with a genuine heart, confess that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that His death alone can forgive us of our sins, and ask Christ to save us and take control of our lives. He will not cast us out if we do that. It does not have to be prayed in any particular order, said in some religious fashion, or spoken with any particular volume. No act of man can save us. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “By grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” Just cry out to Jesus and tell Him you want to be rescued from your sin, that you need Jesus’s forgiveness, that you believe He is the true Son of God and was raised from the dead, and that you want Him to live inside of you. He will not reject those who come to Him with a genuine and repentant heart. Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved!!

Again, I have no way of knowing exactly who reads this. But I have prayed that God would take His Gospel message and penetrate someone’s heart with it. I cannot force anyone to believe in Jesus Christ. I can only say that He lives in me. I cannot with words or by debate reason someone into coming to Jesus to save them. I can only testify to His power inside of me. He has changed my life and has rescued me from sin forever! He is the only hope that I have! I cannot imagine being alone in a foreign land without Jesus Christ living in me. I cannot imagine living in America and living the rest of my life without the love of Christ in my heart. Please do not delay. If God is leading you to be saved, please ask Jesus to save you today! We are not guaranteed tomorrow. I do not want to mislead anyone. Becoming a follower of Christ does not promise us that our lives will suddenly get easier. In fact, a lot of times we will face more trials because of our faith. But Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” Having Jesus in our life may not make our circumstances easier, but He promises to be there living in us and giving us abundant life. He will be there for us no matter the circumstances. Again, I ask that if you know you need Christ in your life, please settle the matter today and invite Him into your life!

Feel free to email me at Rowdyreptile50@earthlink.net with any questions. I would love to talk to you about it. I wanted to make this as clear as possible, but I know I am human and am imperfect. I take God’s Word very seriously, and I pray that the truth was communicated accurately. Also, I want to encourage you to talk to several people in your life who you believe to be following Christ. Talk to a Christian that you respect. If you go to a church that preaches the Bible, talk to your pastor. But most importantly, read the Word of God and talk to God! He alone can save you!

The End is Here...

Well, the end is here. I am actually heading out on the 14th instead of the 15th, so I can fly with the Sports Plus medical team to Nairobi. Cheryl, Dr. Mark, Eileen, Arlene, Denise, and Terry have become instant friends to me. I love you six fantastic people! This week has absolutely flown by, and I must say that I now have a much greater respect for people who take part in medical mission trips. The mobile health clinics that the team did this week opened my eyes to a lot of how widespread poverty and sickness is here in Kenya. The team allowed me to come along for the ride during the week and asked if I could help with crowd control. I figured this meant I would be sitting around watching them do their work. What I didn’t know is that when free health care is offered around villages where people are sick and have very little money, chaos ensues. It wasn’t complete chaos, but it was organized chaos. Trying to tell people who speak Swahili to line up in one line and wait their turn was nearly impossible. I can’t tell you how many people came up to me telling me how sick they were and how they needed to be moved up to the front of the line. People would do anything to skip people who had been waiting for hours. There are definitely some traumatic images from the clinics that are going to be in my mind for a long time. I think of the girl that is completely deaf and blind that came to one of the clinics with her father. They were basically told there was nothing that the doctor could do for them. I can’t imagine how the doctor and nurses must have felt telling people there was nothing they could do to fix them. It is awful to think that some of the patients who came to the clinics will not be alive at the end of this year. However, it was so exciting to see how many sick people they did help. Sports Plus did an incredible job. They impacted this community and surrounding villages in a huge way. I will never forget this week of mobile health clinics.

It is amazing how my tears have changed over time throughout this experience. I left with tears of sadness over leaving my family for 4.5 months. I got here, and there were tears caused by the beauty of the children and my instant love for them. I have experienced tears of homesickness. But now, I am soon going to experience tears of sadness over leaving these kids. I cannot believe how fast this has gone. I laugh at how homesick I was during certain times. When you get to the end of an incredible experience, you look back and wonder why things were ever as difficult as they were made to be. I have absolutely fallen in love with these kids. I have tried to be their brother or father figure, if only for a couple of months. Whenever I am with them, they express their love for me. They love touching and hugging me, and I love them in return. I don’t want to leave kids like James, Fesa, Toba, etc. I want to bring them back to America in my suitcases. It is an understatement to say that I have joy in my heart because of the relationships I have established with the children during my time here. I will never forget these kids, and I hope they will never forget me. Even more than that, I pray that they will never forget the Lord. That is by far the most important thing to me. I pray that my love for them has transcended the language barrier and has expressed God’s love for them. I hope they all experience salvation, and I pray that they would all know God.

As I have written in many of my past blogs, God has taught me lesson after lesson in the last couple of months. The main thing that I have learned through this trip is that God truly is all that I need. Nothing on this earth can satisfy me like He can. For the first time in my life, I was brought to a place where I could no longer rely on myself. I had to rely on the Lord alone. God allowed me to experience loneliness and homesickness so that I could cry out to Him for deliverance and satisfaction. He broke me of my attempts at self-sufficiency. He has been my source of life, my deliverance, and my best friend. There have been times where I have felt all alone, but there have also been times where I was certain that I was communing with the living God. I experienced fellowship with the Lord after difficult times of despair. I pray that I will remember when I get home that He is more than enough for me. I cannot forget that lesson. The other huge lesson that I wanted to reiterate is how happy people can be while having so little in terms of material possessions. In our culture, I get sucked into the trap of wanting or needing more things. I know that Christ has to be my everything, and He has to be the center of my life. Storing up treasures on earth would be completely foolish, when I know all that lasts is what was done to advance God’s Kingdom and bring Him glory. I see so many people here with joy in their heart but no money in their pockets. I want to learn to be content no matter the situation, for godliness with contentment is great gain. I hope this lesson sticks when I get back home and am surrounded by things, things, and more things. What else matters in life besides Him? I want to honestly believe that with all of my heart. I can’t say I always live like I believe that fact.


Wow, I love these children more than I can write on here. I am so sad to leave them, and I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone. I left Daytona Beach on August 1st, and here we are halfway through October. These children have had a profound impact on my life. Our goodbyes today absolutely broke my heart. I pray that some of my stories from here have encouraged you in your walk with the Lord or have created a desire in you to come serve in Kenya! I love you guys, and I thank you for praying and making this an unforgettable experience!

My next stop is Zambia for a brief safari with the wonderful Potter family. Then it is back to Nairobi for the second part of the mission trip. I will continue to need your prayers, and I am so grateful for them! Please keep them coming! I love you!

Stay tuned to the blog for the next part of my trip…

Looking for fun? Head for the Hills...

The birthday bash was what I most wanted to communicate to you about the last couple of weeks. So, I will just quickly give you an idea of what else has been going on here lately. I just wanted to hit a few high points. Again, I love you all and appreciate your prayers more than ever. I can’t say that enough. The need for prayer never fades. Thank you so much!

As time is winding down here, I have gone from being sad about being away from home to sad over having to leave this place shortly. The biggest thrill for me, and I think for the students as well, was the three-hour hike I went on with the older children up to the top of a mini-mountain (what most people would call a “hill,” but I want to be dramatic). Earlier in the week, we had the older children bring sugar cane with them to school so they could eat it at the top of the mountain. For your information, sugar cane looks just like a stick, but if you peel back the outer shell, it is filled with sweet nectar that tastes like—you guessed it—sugar. I was laughed at for a solid ten minutes after my attempt to eat it. It is extremely hard on your teeth to eat, but it does taste very good. Anyways, we marched from the school all the way to the top of the hill while we sang, danced, and joked around. I know I always talk about the views I see in Kenya, but this view was spectacular. We sat at the top, ate sugar cane, and took class pictures. It was so much fun for all of us and quite a relief, considering I had been promising to take them for weeks. The next day, Hesbon, Karlee, and I took the orphans up to a smaller hill where we read them a story and gave them sweets. If you want to plan something fun around here, make sure it includes a hill. It’s instant fun.

The following is a random paragraph about all that I have been doing at school lately. I have been coloring with Class 1 (ages 5- 7). I have been playing Jeopardy with Class 4 (ages 10-12). By the way, any game that I play, I almost always offer a sweet to the winner. It ensures the children will pay attention. A game that Karlee taught me has been a huge success with the older classes. She calls it “Pacman.” You may have played it in school growing up, but you must remember that I was homeschooled. My games included going outside to play basketball or attempting to sneak upstairs to watch Sportscenter. But enough about me. Pacman includes having the children all stand up and spread out as much as they can so they can’t reach out and touch someone. I would yell out a basic math problem, and the first child to answer it would get to take a step in any direction so they could touch someone. If you touched someone, that person had to go sit down. The last person standing was the champion. I have also been coaching and playing a lot of soccer (which they call “football”) and basketball. Basketball has been embraced by the girls in a huge way. They never get to play soccer with the boys, so they play basketball any chance they get. I wanted the boys to love it as well, and they have enjoyed it, but it seems like it will be a bigger sport for the girls. As long as it gives someone an opportunity to have fun that is usually excluded from soccer, I am happy. It has definitely served its purpose.

I have been to Kakamega twice in the past week. I have told you about it before, but to remind you, it is the closest of what we would call a city to where we live. It is about thirty minutes away. Not a lot happened on my trips to Kakamega. I went to pick up birthday packages from my mom and dad and from Emily Bowman. Thanks to all three of you. They were amazing. I just wanted to describe the way we always get to Kakamega. I think I have mentioned them before, but we ride on vehicles known as “mutatus.” They are vans that should hold about ten people, but they will literally squeeze 20-25 people in one mutatu. The conductor will sometimes be hanging out the door as we are driving. The mutatu will go about 50-60 mph on a road filled with potholes, weaving around them and other mutatus driving straight at us. On our most recent trip, my mutatu had about four chickens on it flapping around and making lots of noise. If all of this sounds embellished, just ask Emily or someone else who has been here. It is an experience that is almost impossible to imagine until you experience it. It is frightening, uncomfortable, and one of the best things I have experienced here. You have to ride a mutatu in your life.

I wanted to let you know that the new Sports Plus team just arrived. The team is made up of one doctor, three nurses, a husband of one of the nurses, and the president of Sports Plus. They have been a blessing so far. We picked them up Sunday, October 5th from the Kisumu Airport. It should have taken us two hours to get there, but we spent about an hour of it going to the police station. I guess our mutatu did not meet regulations—whatever that means. Apparently it’s illegal to operate one with mirrors and windows missing. But the team has definitely been great. I have spent some time with them, and they are so encouraging and friendly. I will be spending the next few days doing mobile health clinics with them. I am not sure what help I can offer, but we will see! I am excited!

I also want to add something to the blog in which I discussed feelings in Christianity. I want to clarify my statements. I absolutely believe that we CAN experience God’s presence, and I believe that God has been very near to me during much of my time here. But I am simply saying that is not always the case. I am not sure if I made that clear or not, but I am hoping to do that now. Paul, David, and others in the Bible talk about their experiences and encounters with the Lord. David spoke on several occasions about being satisfied by God alone. Paul considered everything else as loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ. They experienced God’s presence and comfort on so many occasions. But if you read the Psalms, you will also see that David suffered deep times of despair in which God felt so far away. As I wrote in a previous blog, David even pleaded with God that His presence would not leave him. That is all I am saying. I have sensed God’s fullness here, but there have been times where He has felt distant. It is during those times that I have trusted that God is near and living in me, even when I don’t feel it. I have been put in the position where I am forced to lean on the solid Rock of Jesus Christ and accept that He is sufficient for me. As my amazing friend Kevin wrote me, “He is enough—remember—He is enough.”

I have been learning that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. I have always heard that, but it is becoming more real to me now. I don’t have to try and live the Christian life or try and feel God. The Bible tells me to abide in Christ. That has been one big theme in my life recently. When I wake up, I don’t have to fret and worry about all that I have to do that day (although I still do worry too much). I remind myself that I am a new creation, and it is now Christ that lives in me. I no longer live. Fully understanding that truth will enable me to simply rest in Christ—to let Him do the living. I must allow the Holy Spirit to live through me. If I could wholly grasp that fact, I can only imagine the dynamic life of Christ I could experience flowing out of me. My prayer for us all is to come to the point in our lives when we relinquish control of our lives, rest in Him, and let Him live through us. I want to quit striving and trying to earn God’s favor or attempt to serve Him on my own power. Christ lives through me now. The old Matt Seitz should be and is dead. Now, if I can only get out of the way and allow Christ to move in me and through me.

Thanks again for all of your comments on here. I finally got to read some of them. I love you guys so much. So many of you have sent me emails and told me that you were praying for me daily. I am humbled by this whole thing. This is incredible. God is moving. Please continue to pray, and I will see you all soon!